Kavi - a tribute to wonderful friend.

Chalk and cheese 

That's how different we were.

Strange how two paths  as diverse as ours , crossed  and  we became friends.

I wish I could have turned back the clock to all that we didn't get to do that we talked about,dreamt about .

I wish that among the many changes that life threw in our paths we had kept in touch....

I wish that she could have lived all those dreams a young woman has...

I wish....

But,

Life has a way of throwing curveballs when we aren't looking.

She's gone and I find myself filled with sadness and regret .

This last month has been full of it.

Let me start though at the beginning. ..

English literature freshers  -  same bus route home. The only two things we had in common.

She was quiet,ever smiling,speak when your spoken to, type, while I was the exact opposite ....ever joshing , chattering ,friendly person.

We realised we took the same bus route home and so whoever got to the bus first saved a place for the other.

Whenever she missed a class I would pass her my notes and vice versa.

We went to the British Council library together....walked together to the nearest bus stop and she would wait with me until we got a bus that we could go on together....sometimes the wait would take an hour.

We would watch nice cars go by and wish some handsome dude would give us a drop home .(never happened :( sadly)

We took the national social service the first year.Had to wear a Saree and that's the only time I saw her wear one.She was more at home in pants and shirts and it suited her well. 

On the weekends we would meet up at her aunts store .I lived a good five bus stops away.

The year "McKenna's Gold " came out we all went as a huge class group. She was sick ....so when she got well we went again. I think we saw it thrice. We both loved Clint Eastwood .

We managed to convince our families to let us go to the Gatsby at the IIT  campus. Foolishly not knowing how we would get back but knowing we would look out for each other. 

Chose our outfits carefully, even going to buy t-shirts to suit the mood. Rock and roll 80's ....tights and t - shirts and boots.

One time we went to a rock concert...again as a group and watching out for each other....both of us having brothers or cousins that were also watching us.

Unfailing over the three years that we graduated we spent so much time enjoying each other's company , waiting each day for the bus and never letting the other down.

When my father passed away the week after our last day of college she came home every day.

Somehow I  couldn't find my feet after and despite her attempts to get me out of the house ,to do a German course and to go back to college , I didn't respond. Within the next year I moved out of the city.

Life went on .....we had no communication at all so I never knew if and when she married or who .

The next I heard of her from a classmate who saw her picture in the newspaper.  

I wanted to call the number but felt sad that I had not kept in touch. The friend said she would ask her husband why none of her friends  had kept in touch.

I have no answers but I do know that very often we take diverse paths that sometimes don't cross but it doesn't mean we forget.

The memories are now bittersweet . 

Your presence  will always grace those moments that remind us of you and you will be cherished as wife,mother, daughter and friend.

I remember the words of this song,one of many that meant so much to us growing up 

    " you were loved by somebody, meant something to somebody ,touched somebody's heart along the way..."

You touched my heart Kavi , you meant a lot to me ....more than you will ever know. 

Family ties

I called.
I made the first move.It took me three days to build up my courage.I pondered and worried about how my call would be received.
And then one evening I just told myself that if I didn't call,I would regret it even more . Once I dialed the number there was no going back.I had to answer, had to ask the right questions knowing I was talking to someone who I had almost 20 years ago.
It's funny how even the most meaningless relationships actually mean something to you.
I know I haven't lived long enough to give advice but I see how often we screw up the nicest of relationships just because we dont want to be the better person,the pushover and often a day of not talking to someone who you thought was close ends up into years.
In my case I just didn't bother to get to know people who didn't add to my life.
They were there,I was here and the gap seemed too big to bridge and I  think we don't realise that even though we may have nothing in common we still have ties that bind.
Ties of blood ....
People who my children should know and don't.
 At family gatherings I find I know a handful of the relatives. We meet at these one off weddings of a long lost someone's cousins son.
There are some we see quite often and who we can ahh and ooh with on how we are looking older,fatter,thinner,on how our children have grown and catch up on family gossip.
My husband is not a family gatherer. He hates these get togethers and will easily avoid them if he can.
When we first got married I was told on a visit to a periamma who lived in another town that on no condition should I be persuaded to stay in their house. I was to have lunch with the family and then chit chat for a certain set amount of time and then he would give me the nod and sign. I was to get up and say my farewells and gently drop all suggestions to stay the night. "You will be staying by yourself if you say yes,count me out" was his terse response.
The only place he does stay stay at is my mother's. For once he is on the back foot,as she stays in the back of beyond and he has very little choice .
I recently wrote a letter to each of my cousins on my mother's side inviting them to participate in my grandmother's legacy and found them responding to it with much warmth . There are do many stories for us to share there.I  hope that it's the string that will tie us all together.
For it is in the stories that we pass on to our children that keep the people in our lives alive.
I know I cannot get back that severed relationship if that person is gone but I can renew the ties the bind.
I said goodbye knowing I had done the right thing. That I could feel the sadness of her passing and knowing in some way I had been a comfort to her grieving husband.
I  hope  I did . I hope that if you should read this and if it helps you change something in yourself...i may have made a difference.

April brought the showers and the coffee buds have dried and begun to get ready for the second blossom. The bees are busy making coffee honey.
The weather has turned too warm and global warming is here to stay.
It's time for cold brews and ice cream...
Don't close the door on any relationship ,if you must leave then leave the light on so there is always hope....